I Don’t Know If I’m Enough, So I Keep Asking

There are many moments in my life when I feel unsure of my worth.

Not because something dramatic happened.

Not because anyone directly told me I wasn’t enough.

But because deep inside, a question keeps returning like a tide:“Am I really allowed to exist as I am?”

When I don’t know the answer, I look outside myself.

For signs. Reactions. Approval.

I ask indirectly—through my tone, my body, my endless explanation of what I meant, why I said it, how I didn’t mean to offend.

When my self-worth is low, I start compulsively seeking reassurance:“Did I say something wrong?”

“Did I come across as selfish, too much, too soft?”

“Did I take up space I didn’t earn?”

“Should I apologize—again?”

It doesn’t always feel like insecurity.

Sometimes it masquerades as politeness, sensitivity, even maturity.

But beneath all of it is one quiet plea:“Please tell me I’m allowed to be here.”

When I doubt my worth, I lose my boundaries .

Because if I don’t believe I am inherently worthy,I also don’t believe I have the right to say no,to walk away,to name something as harmful without needing a second opinion.

When someone is unkind, cold, or manipulative,I don’t ask, “Why did they treat me that way?”

I ask,“What did I do to cause this?”

“Was I being difficult? Too sensitive? Too slow to respond?”

Over and over, I absorb the discomfort of others as my fault.

Because somewhere deep in my nervous system, I learned:“It’s safer to blame yourself than to risk being unloved.”

I have come to recognize this pattern

And I’m slowly beginning to question it.

What if…

My sensitivity isn’t an overreaction, but a form of inner truth?

My need for reassurance isn’t immaturity, but the residue of emotional neglect?

My disappearing boundaries aren’t a personality flaw—but a survival strategy I no longer need?

What if the real problem is not my feelings,

but the belief that I have to keep justifying my existence?

What I’m practicing now

1. Naming the spiral when it starts

When I hear myself think, “Was that too much?”

I pause and ask,“Would I even ask this if I felt worthy?”

2. Giving myself permission—first

Before seeking validation, I practice saying:

“I’m allowed to feel what I feel.”

“I don’t need to be flawless to be enough.”

3. Catching my tendency to over-explain

I stop mid-sentence.

I ask: “What am I afraid will happen if I don’t justify myself?”

4. Saying no—even when I feel shaky

And sitting with the discomfort, without rushing to fix it.

Letting the boundary be enough, even if the other person doesn’t approve.